A Time Of Change

  Pretty soon, I will mourn the loss of my very wonderful church family at Emmanuel Christian Church. 
I will definitely miss being the Mission's Deacon at Emmanuel.  I will most definitely miss each and every church goer there also.  I will miss watching my children playing with the other children at the church.  I will miss watching my sweet 3 1/2 year old run to see if Miss Kathy is there to teach her Sunday School.

  I will miss going down to the river to pray for my family and putting all my needs on the banks of the mighty three rivers of Pittsburgh, PA.  I will miss those nice country drives with my children sleeping in the back seat of the van or car.  I will miss so very much.

  All that I may miss, may have some wondering, "If you are going to miss all that, then why are you giving it up?  Why move?"  Well, for one, I am moving closer to my husband's immediate family which is where my husband feels the need to be.  Second, we are moving so that we both can have better job opportunities.
But most importantly, we are moving to hopefully better provide for our girls and assist in giving them a stable home.

  As much as I will miss this wonderful place, I find I am following God's will.  How do I know this?  Because door are being opened that are not possible for me to do by myself.  God has already provided me with assistance in finding employment in New York, NY by way of a temp agency.  I am doing all I can to trust in God, that He will provide.  For months, I have felt the calling to leave Pittsburgh, PA where I am comfortable with life to go to Staten Island, NY where I am constantly challenged.  New York is a place I am completely out of my comfort zone.  It is extremely different from where I grew up in California.

  Please keep our little family in your prayers as, we adjust to a new way of life.  Please know that if I don't blog for awhile it is because I'm busy with working, children, and our internet availability will be sporadic until we get settled into our own home.

GPS Joannie

   Joannie has been growing up so very fast lately.  It makes me wish for the simpler days of when she was an infant and was content to just lay in my arms until she fell asleep.  But instead, I have life now, with a back seat driver who is constantly trying to tell Mommy how to get from point A to point B.  I laugh now about it because I'm not in my car driving somewhere or hurrying off to some appointment.  But when I am in the moment and she's trying to get me to go a different way, I'm not laughing.  I very seriously tell her, "Joannie, you can't drive.  Please don't tell me how to drive. Okay?" Quietly from her carseat, she'll muster up "Okay Mommy. I sorry."
   If Joannie was my GPS, the following would most definitely be true.  I would be in a lot of car accidents.  I would drive the opposite of how I drive now.  I would break many traffic laws.  But you want to know something, she does not know these traffic laws or why I drive the way I do or anything about major car accidents.  Why?  Because these are lessons in life that she is just too young to learn.
   How often do we not give God the credit He is due?  Maybe God is telling you, that it's not your time to drive.  If the Bible is our GPS, then shouldn't our lives be following it.  I know for certain my life hasn't always followed Biblical principles.  But now, this is what I strive for and live for. Am I ashamed of my past or what I have done? No, because without those mistakes I would not be the person I am today! 

When you gotta go

  We have been working on for the last 1 to 1 1/2 years potty training Miss Joannie.  Well, she has finally gotten it, for the last week plus, she has been pooping and peeing on the potty.   Last night, she even pooped upstairs on the big potty with her seat insert and step-stool.  Needless to say, we are super proud of her. Because we believe in positive reinforcement, we have been telling her "Yeah!" "Good job!" "Way to go!"
   I think we may have gone a little to far in doing this. Because if we are out and about now, Joannie proudly proclaims so all can hear "Yeah Mommy!"  "Good job, Mommy!" "I knew you could poop/pee!" I'm blushing when I come out but she's so happy that she's encouraging me, just like I encouraged her in order for her to go potty.
   Her treat for doing so well with her potty training last week, was going to the store and getting Tinker Bell big girl underwear.  The day I planned on doing this was last Saturday.  This was also the day, my husband decided to fix our family vehicle. Not once did she ask me on Saturday about going to the store to get her special treat. I was so proud of her, so when her daddy came inside for his' shower because he was finished with the car.  I told her to put her shoes on because we were going on a special trip. She knew when we got to the store aisle that holds the big girl socks and underwear, the reason for our late night trip to the store.  She was so proud of them, that she showed them to her Aunty in Washington state on Skype!
   This so reminds me of what a sweet, sweet child I have.  I love her to the moon and back!

Life Unexpected

   As Gabriella is getting older, Joannie sees her little sister's many firsts.  She has a tendency to get upset over how much attention her little sister is getting instead of her.  We try an explain to her, that sometimes in life it's not all about what I want or having the attention all on me.  Instead things are about others.  I've started telling Miss Joannie bedtime stories, that are about my earliest memories of her.  Tonight, she wanted to hear about when she was her sister's age.  So I told her that her favorite word to refer to any food when she was 18 months old was "Cheese! Please!" I asked her, "Is this still your favorite food?" With a Cheshire cat grin Joannie's response was, "But of course!"  But then again who doesn't like Cheese, right, unless of course you are lactose intolerant or allergic.
  I then told her the story of the first laugh, she ever did for me when she was awake.  She has always had this infectious laugh, that could make anyone smile.  At first she would only laugh in her sleep.  Then one day, she laughed as one of our cats was sniffing her bare toes and the other was sniffing her head.  I swore that on that day a million fairies must of been born.
  These are the moments I treasure and share with my beautiful girls. While, I do wish the rest of my heavenly children were here.  I find myself excited about what is yet to come.  I honestly never thought, I would ever get married after my string of not so great luck with men.  I had resolved to never marry and on my 30th birthday, go to a sperm bank and have a child that way.  But when I was 25 years old I believe, my doctor told me to quit trying to have children because I would never have any children of my own.  Life did not turn out the way I had planned for it to turn out. No, I believe God's plans were far more amazing than the ones I could foretell. 
 

One sick miserable baby + NOT Sticking to a bedtime schedule = TOTAL BABY HYSTERIA

One would of thought that I was skinning Gabriella alive or abusing her in some other way but I wasn't. I was getting the humidifier from Joannie's room to bring into the nursery, so I put Gabriella in her crib for safe keeping. Before heading off on said venture, I had suctioned my sweet baby turned demon child'

s nose with a bulb syringe which I guess set off a chain reaction and made the her turn into a screaming banshee. Needless to say, she must of thought mommy didn't love her cause even after I had everything set up, Gabriella continued on her tirade. She screamed with such force, I fear my hearing maybe permanently damaged. She was still screaming with a bottle in her mouth...a little bit like this..AHHHHHHA...suck suck...AHHHHHA...suck suck suck....Ahha..suck..ah..suck. Well you get the picture, needless to say, my easy breezy but to bed baby...was not so easy breezy tonight...DID I MENTION SHE THROWS THINGS TOO!!!! Ouch my head hurts!!!

Feeling Nostalgic

     As I made breakfast today, which was a wonderful French Toast and Maple Sausage, our weather was cool and rainy. This made me remember my life growing up in Orange County, California when all year around rain or shine my adopted dad would make pancakes or hot breakfast for the family out in the backyard on the gas grill. I also thought about swimming in the pool during the rain, as long as it wasn't thundering or lightning in the area. These are two of my fondest memories as a child, beside eating outside in our covered porch. Maybe this is why, even with my two beautiful girls on Saturdays when nothing is planned I enjoy making our family a hot breakfast, having the doors and windows open, feeling the breeze of fall or spring, and just being in the moment. Yes, it may take a little preparation and planning to do, but quite seriously these are memory making moments that I live for and hope my girls continue on with.
     We are also potty training our oldest, Joannie, and today has me thinking of traveling with multiple trips to the potty with my adopted family. "Jenn, do you have to go potty? Do you need to go number 1 or number 2?" As a creative 5-6 year old that I was I came up with an extra number that usually would combine both number 1 and 2, which would then equal number 3, this would mean that I had an upset tummy and had to go diarrhea. Well, the first time I used it, no one understood what I meant and I was asked "Jenn, what is number 3?" The very brilliant, intelligent me replied calmly, "It's when you pee and poop at the same time and it comes out of my tushy."
   These are just a few of my favorite memories that have me going today, besides sugar and caffeine which every mother has hidden some where in her parenting repertoire.  Wishing all my mommy friends a wonderful and a blessed day. Hug your kids because they just grow up way too darn fast! 

Just One Of Those Moments In Life

            I'm sure some of you have a place where you go, and you can remember the first time you stepped foot into this place. Have you ever just sat there and replayed those events in your mind? Well, this past Saturday, was my youngest, Gabriella's first birthday. Instead of being at home, spending it with her. I was getting the fellowship hall at our church ready. I boiled off the pasta for the macaroni and cheese, which I made all from scratch except for the macaroni. I set up the tables and chairs all by myself, not because I'm supermom, but because I needed to keep myself busy so I wouldn't think about the two angels I have waiting for me in heaven. I sat down for a bit and called a family friend back who had called to wish Gabriella, a wonderful birthday.

              After the phone call, I was sitting in our fellowship hall and my mind started playing all the times, I had been to this building. I was here on my honeymoon in 2008, as a new bride traveling to meet my husband's family. I was shy, quiet, reserve, and very nervous about if his' family would like me. Approximately 2 years ago, we moved to Pittsburgh, PA and I started attending this church with my then 6 month old baby girl. I replayed in my mind her baby dedication with her grandpa, great aunt, and great uncle looking on. Fast forward, to when Chris and I joined the church. Quickly, in my mind I jumped forward again, to when Chris and I announce our pregnancy with our lovely, Gabriella. Little did we know then, that she was going to be a girl who would change our lives. Little did we know then that she would be our last child. My mind moved forward to her baby shower, where we welcomed her to our church family.

All this got me thinking about how many bridal showers, baby showers, engagement parties, birthday parties, wedding receptions, and various different events this church has seen. What would these walls say if they could talk? What would the building say if it could talk? Then I realized, that I am a part of the church, the church isn't just a building it's me! It's me in how I treat my children. It's me in how I treat my family. It's me in how I treat a complete stranger. I am the body of Christ, I am His' Church, and I am His' Bride. The Church is the Bride of Christ. Then shouldn't our lives demonstrate this to others. I have loved and lost, but who knows this very few close friends and my church. Does anyone else besides my church know the reason I write? The reason I blog? That I even blog at all?

                  I'm not someone who wants to be recognized, but I am someone who believes that God has me here for a purpose, just like the fellowship hall has a purpose. I may not know what my purpose is right now. I may not ever realize in my lifetime what my purpose was. But I know that no matter what I do, I am right now fulfilling God's purpose as a mother to my two beautiful young girls. And that for me is just one of those moments in life that I am learning to be content with.

                  May we all have the moments in life, that are just one of those moments that we look and reflect on. May we all have just one of those moments in life always!

What Side of the River Are you From?

     Pittsburgh is truly a wonderful place to visit. The most amazing sight is when you are driving through the Ft. Pitt Tunnel and you reach the Ft. Duquense, there is the city of Pittsburgh laid out before you in all her glory. This is how I first saw Pittsburgh, while I was back here in 2008 on my honeymoon. If one had told me then, that I a California native would move here. I probably would of chalked that person as crazy. But now 4 years later, here I am living in Pittsburgh for the past 2 years. There are some things I, being the outsider, have noticed about people in Pittsburgh. I will travel across the three rivers to go to interviews, doctors appointments, meet with friends, and church. But living on the other side of the river in Scott Township means that not very many if any people are willing to travel to me.

       So being a mom, with two young beautiful girls isn't that easy to meet other moms and their children. I grew up being told very often that in order to be a friend one had to be friendly with others. While I am somewhat private, but I am honest, perhaps that is why I am writing this article. Because I've found that most mom's in Pittsburgh, generally stick to their neck of the woods where they are the most comfortable. In California or Washington state, I know without a doubt that the parents are more friendlier. But here it seems that parents are very suspicious of other parents. And rightly so, as a parent one needs to be vigilant, but so much to the extreme that you don't say hello to the other mom or dad. The children in my neighborhood are all school age children, my oldest isn't even 3 years old yet. Most MOPS groups meet during the early morning, which is not a convenient time for me all the time. Have you ever tried waking up a 2 ½ year old and an almost 1 year old to be out of the house by 8:30 am? It's not an easy task to do, I'm not saying some moms can do it, but this mom can't. Honestly a night time or early evening MOPS program would work best for my family, but these programs are designated for older children, not younger children like mine. I've tried to start a moms play group with some friends on Facebook, but I don't get people who are interested. So instead my mom friends are women, I know only from my church in Brighton Heights.

        I guess one day, when my 2 ½ year old and almost 1 year old head off to school then maybe they will have friends and I will be able to become hopefully friendly with their parents. But until then, I guess I will just bide my time, trying to be friendly to not-so-friendly parents at the malls and parks where my children play.

Vinegar Fridays is a must have book!!!

So in my effort to attempt to be a Greener mother and leave this place a better place for my children. I decided to read Vinegar Fridays put out by Hana Haatainen Caye. She's a member of my church and someone I've personally gotten to know.  I enjoy her blog, Green Grandma, and I'm a fan of her Facebook page also titled Green Grandma. I read this book, not really sure what to expect. But I figured I would try out cleaning my microwave, I had heard a glowing review about it also. Well, I am happy to report that one week later after cleaning our microwave and deodorizing our kitchen drains with the leftover Apple Cider Vinegar Mixture our microwave is still clean. I cleaned both the inside and the outside with the Apple Cider Vinegar mix that was suggested. Mind you in our old house the fact that the outside is still clean is amazing all considering that it's mighty dusty in our house.

  I honestly can't wait to try some of the recipes in the book, as it's not just about cleaning with Vinegar. But it has a children's story and cooking recipes. Green Grandma is seriously my go to for green products or if something is possibly hazardous to my child or family. If you aren't a fan of Green Grandma, you should be especially if you are a green parent, while you're at seriously buy her book too. It's worth every penny you'll spend on it and then some.

The Many uses of ACV (Apple Cider Vinegar)

So this week, on Monday, our Joyful Joannie had her 2-year old check up. I so despise waiting in a waiting room with sick children. Something about a sitting in a confined space with two healthy children under three years of age, and there being about 2-3 children in the same office with head colds and GOD knows what other ailments. Seriously people bring the sanitizer with you when you bring your child to the pediatricians office or don't let your children touch toys that you know healthy children will be playing with.  As of Monday when we left the pediatricians office, the Joyful Joannie was healthy except for her usual shots that she was behind on getting. So Tuesday night rolls around and what starts do I hear as I'm making dinner, cough cough achoo achoo. I start thinking to myself and praying, "Dear God, so far you've kept her healthy please don't let this be a head cold." Then all night long and all day yesterday, it was a runny nose, coughing fits, and a low grade temperature. I say low grade, because Joannie takes after mom, our normal body temp is not 98.6 as it should be but rather it's usually 94.something to 96.something. SO if we are running a fever our low grade fever is generally 98.something.
   At this point last night, I had to change the dinner plans to be something without dairy so it wouldn't produce more mucous in my sweet daughter. I sent a message to the Vinegar Queen aka Green Grandma on her Facebook page asking for an all natural remedy for cough syrup. I honestly love Green Grandma she's filled with invaluable information on how to treat things all naturally. Which odd enough, I try to be as organic as possible. Somethings I'm honestly not so green about, I'm sorry but I use Kirkland disposeable Diapers and Kirkland brand Baby wipes. I've used them for Joannie, and we are doing the same with Joannie. It's generally for convenience honestly, but I do my best to dump and flush the poop out of the diapers in the trash can.  So getting back to Green Grandma, she provided me with recipe for making cough syrup for Joannie which GOD BLESS her worked in only two doses. It is as follows:

      1 Part of ACV (ORGANIC RAW Apple Cider Vinegar is the BEST!)
      1 Part Honey (DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES BECAUSE OF BOTULISM GIVE 
                            TO AN INFANT UNDER THE AGE OF 1 YEAR)
      2 Parts Filtered Water

      Place all ingredients in a bottle and shake until combined. Appropriate directions are: 2 TBSP every
      2 hours

   I gave Joannie two does and she didn't fight me to take those doses, she actually came running to me for them. Odd but true, this doesn't smell yummy at all but the taste isn't at all as it smells.

  I grew up having ACV, honey, lemon, and warm water for sore throats when I had to sing the next day, that and gargling with salt water. This also works, I'm posting the recipe here also for that as well.

      8 oz of Warm Water
      2 - 3 TBSP of honey
     1-2 capfulls of ACV (ORGANIC AND RAW - Again this seriously works best)
      1/2 lemon squeezed

   Place all ingredients in a mug stir until well blended, sip or guzzle it down that's your preference. I tend to drink this pretty face because it doesn't taste so good once it gets to be room temperature.

  For the flu I suggest another all natural concoction that I grew up having especially when I was throwing up, this is basically best if you sip with a spoon also serve warm as it again doesn't taste so good when it cools down to room temperature.

    8 oz of water (Boiling for tea, then allow to cool until warm before adding the last 3 ingredients)
    1 tea bag of Chamomile tea
    1/2 lemon squeezed into the mug with the tea
   2 - 3 TBSP of honey, or to taste
   1 - 2 capfulls of ACV (ORGANIC AND RAW - Works best TRUST ME)

 Combine all the ingredients and drink by the teaspoon, until symptoms subside.

Joannie is napping and has been napping now for 2 hours, which has given me enough time to publish this article for all your viewing pleasure. I hope that everyone finds some use for these recipes, as I know I will be soon needing Green Grandma's ACV Cough Syrup.  I try my best not to heavily medicate my children, we generally use Tylenol and Ibiprophen to treat fevers. I try and stick with the old home remedies that are tried and true. These are home remedies, that I know work. Beside the new tricks, like Vick's rub on the bottom of your feet for head colds, and 94.5% all natural cold/flu bath soak/salts that you can pick up at WalMart.  Please feel free to send me any questions and I'll try to answer them as best as I can. If I don't know, I know I always have Green Grandma who can help me out!

God's Love, Peace, Blessings, and Grace to Everyone!

Jennifer Cormier

Gabriella

So, this past Sunday, was Gabriella's debut and Baby Shower. Yes, I know a little odd to have the baby shower after the arrival of the child. But if you know my past pregnancy issues, I believe you would understand why this was decided by both Chris and myself. As a gift from Kelly Lowry, we got a journal for me to write in for Gabriella along with the attendees to write their wish/dream/hopes for Gabriella.
   I read them all and they all brought me to tears, I couldn't read them without crying. So I decided to let Gabriella know a little bit about the person who was writing their wish/dream/hope to her. I promise nothing negative was written because I'm not the kind of person to be negative. Upon completing that task, I started writing to Gabriella. I'm not sure how many of you know what Gabriella's name means. It's a Hebrew name and it means God's gift, to Chris and I both her and Joannie are truly God's gift to us. I was told when I was 24 years old to stop trying to have children because I'd never be able to have them for medical reasons. The doctor who told me this, I'd love to go back to and show him the error in his prognosis. Chris got tested before we got married to see if he could ever have children and well he was also told he would never be a father. I don't think I need to tell anyone that God's plans aren't what medical science dictates, but what His' will is. Needless to say, we didn't listen to our doctors, and we tried. Our first miracle, was Joannie surviving her twin's early miscarriage. The second miracle was Gabriella, her name only seemed fitting to both Chris and myself.
  I've told very few people, my only two desires for my children are to the following:
    1. For them to know that God and their parents love them unconditionally and abundantly.
    2. For them to know God, as their Lord and Savior, and to have a relationship with Him.
My children will always know they are loved, by my actions and how I talk about them. I've experience what is like to be loved unconditionally as a child and to be loved conditionally. I choose unconditional love because no matter what I do or what mistakes I make, I know I am loved.  I'm not perfect, I am far from perfect. I am a follower of Christ and I follow my Lord's examples.  I feel that while I am here on earth, I have been entrusted with the health, safety, and well being of my children here on earth. While I may make decisions that some may question regarding the health, safety, and welfare of my children know that these are my decisions to make as God's servant to these precious gifts that God has entrusted me with. My children are and will always be gifts from God to Chris and myself.  I hope that anyone reading this will see their children if they have any as God's gift also. God bless and keep you and yours!

A Mom Again

  For those of you who don't know, Chris and I recently became parents again to a beautiful baby girl. She reminds me a lot of my husband and my first daughter. Her complexion and facial features are all her daddy's, while her temperament thus far is so much my sweet little Joannie. Gabriella Christine Cormier, was born on the 21st of July via c-section. This was not the way I had envisioned having my second child, I had planned on having a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After C-Section), but unfortunately God or Gabriella had other plans. She was transverse breech which meant that a VBAC was no longer an option, while another C-Section was and would need to be scheduled.
  The first week of little G's life as we call her has been pretty eventful. First, not even 24 hours out of the hospital I ran a fever which wound up being due to me being engorged as we were trying to breast feed G but had to give it up due to me not producing enough milk. It had been roughly 8-12 hours since I had G on either one and well just say both G and I were doing well at it but I was unable to produce enough to keep her satisfied. She's on a really good schedule now and gaining weight as she should be, so we will be sticking to formula. No matter how much I wish I was able to breast feed, I found myself way too exhausted to even keep up with it. I know, the benefits for her is that my breast milk is the best, I just don't produce enough unfortunately. I did try, and Chris' Aunt told me that she was very proud of me and that some women just don't make enough. Chris also supports me in this decision, which was made when I was crying and trying to go to sleep and upset that I couldn't give my daughter the best thing for her.
   I know while not everyone may agree with me for the reason(s) I chose to give up breast feeding, in the end I had to do what was right for me and my sweet little miss G. She's sleeping on a better schedule, gaining the weight she should be gaining, and honestly seems to be happier this way. I even caught a glimpse of her laughing in her sleep this morning as she was laying next to Chris in our bed. Usually she sleeps in her own crib right next to our bed, but this morning Chris let her snuggle between the two of us. It was truly a sweet sight, if you're lucky you may even see these photos on Facebook.
   Little G truly is a blessing to all of us and she makes our family complete. I would not trade her for anything in the world. I often wondered when she did come out if I would love Joannie any more or less, I find the answer is no I love both my girls the same, as unconditionally as I possibly can.

Pregnant Woman's Ranting

   So, I spent my day today, trying not to let my daughter and husband get the best of me. At this point, I'm 8 months and 1 almost 2 weeks pregnant. I'm reaching the point of starting to know my limits, I went to put on my tennis shoes last week and a pair of socks, it took me 30-45 minutes to get this accomplished. I huffed & puffed, shoved & tugged. I've reached the point where I'm doing my best not to complain when people ask questions that are relatively repetitive.  I half want to reply with nonsensical answers that don't make any sense and are extremely sarcastic, but I'm good and I don't.
    Joannie is having a rough time right now, she's been missing her Great-Aunt Marion. Plus to add to matters, she's teething! Her two-year old molars are coming in and it's not a pleasant picture. She's still better than most children who are enduring the "Terrible Twos."  But I also find myself, amused by the fact that even when I am frustrated with her and feel at the end of the rope with her, she finds some way to make me laugh. Maybe it's my hormonal pregnant state I am in right now, but incisive crying from Joan right now is not something that I enjoy listening to and it tends to get on my last nerve. But then I see her crying, the part of me that wants to make her life better for her wants to wrap her up in my arms and tell her everything will be okay.  I find myself wanting to tell her as my mom told me many of times, "This too shall pass my love."
     I find myself wondering what advice my mother would give me at this point in being a parent.  I find myself questioning what advice my mother-in-law would have for her name-sake grandchild.  I miss having my mom around and the advice she may or may not give. I miss not having ever met my mother-in-law or knowing her personality and advice that she would or would not have given.  I wonder if my mom and my mother-in-law would drop everything to be here right now to help out with things. Don't get me wrong, I love my in-laws but I seriously miss the tradition of having my mother here or my mother-in-law. I truly do feel spoiled by my father and father-in-law, maybe not by earthly wares and goods, but I am spoiled by their immense love and devotion to me and my family.  I know without a doubt they both love me and my family.
    I just wonder what advice my mom and mother-in-law would give me and how they would advise me to proceed with the delivery of our second child.  I'm quite often asked if I'm nervous or scared, my response so far has been this. I'm not so much scared for the delivery because I know what to expect. It's the recovery process that I'm nervous about, I don't want what happened with my daughter to happen with this delivery & recovery.  So far, I'm good as far as the MRSA cultures are showing, now the next hurdle will be to find out how Baby Cormier is developing and if our due date is changing.  So far for the last month or so we've been measuring about 2 weeks early which would then change our EDD from August 10 to the last week of July.  I'm excited because I'll get to meet another one of my in-laws that I have not met, as Chris' Aunt Marion and Uncle Roy will be in California during that time frame. So about that time, Chris' Aunt Noreen will be coming up from Virgina to help out with things just in case I go into labor. Hopefully the two days, I'm alone Baby Cormier doesn't decide to make their appearance.
    Either way, this is all in God's control and this being therapeutic, I am now going to let it all go.  I will place my trust in God and hope for the best, along with trying not to think of the worse case scenario. Take care everyone and God Bless.

Sanctity of Life Sunday - 1/24/2011

  As I sit here thinking of the ultimate choice that my mom made to give my two sisters and myself life. I also think about the children who weren't given that chance or that choice to live. I think of the many of other women, who ache for a child and can never have a child of their own. In being that I'm in a poetic and thought provoking mood, I am going to pen a poem in my attempt to get the joy along with sorrows of being pregnant and losing a child. While I've never had an abortion, I do know what goes with losing a child. In writing this, I am praying for God's guidance and help.

She Cries
By Jennifer Cormier

She was just 19 years old, a life was beginning to grow inside her.
She was engaged, he wasn't the man God had for her.
She loved him, but he beat her and cheated on her.
Until one night, enough was enough, she ended it with him.
He broke her heart, her body, and the life growing inside her.
She cried for days, months, and years mourning the one life that should of been.

Some years, later she was older and wiser or so she thought.
There was a new man in her life, she told all he was different he loved her.
Soon again, she saw wedding rings and the promises of a new future.
He broke her heart, he was married and had children of his' own.
She soon found, there were two lives this time growing inside her.
The stress of this new man, his wife, and everything was too much for her to bear.
He broke her heart, her mind, and the life growing inside her stopped.
She cried for days, months, and years mourning the three lives that should of been.

In 2008, she married the man who God had planned for her.
He loved her, and she loved him.
They lived in a tiny apartment with two cats.
Soon they found out their was a life growing inside her, they kept it a secret knowing the girl's past loss.
Two days, after the girl's birthday, her heart broke again.
This time it wasn't the man who broke her heart, but the life who was no more.
They asked the doctor "Why?" and underwent test.
She cried for days and months mourning the four lives that should of been.

But God had a miracle in store for them, there was still a life growing inside her.
The life was the smaller of the two lives, the one she was mourning, crying, and yearning for.
The doctor's said, "Your both healthy, strong, and we'll keep a close eye on you two."
They kept a close eye on her and the life growing inside her.
The first time, the man and woman saw their child, they cried tears of joy for the life that was there.

The ultra-sound tech said, "The fetus appears to be healthy with a good strong heart beat."
She corrected the tech, "It's not a fetus, please don't call our baby that. Please call our child a baby."
The man and woman, went to every appointment together and always called their child "Baby"
The life growing inside her, would never be a tissue, a blob, a fetus, or anything else the life could be called.
The life growing inside her was a child, a baby, and a human.
The life was soon grown enough to survive in our world.
The delivery was hard and long, a surgery was needed to save both mom and child.
The man was there in the Operating Room, when the life was born.
The baby was perfect, with almost perfect Apgar scores, with her twelve toes that the doctor forgot to count.
She cried this time, for joy of the life that was, is, and would be.
Their baby was born, a family was born, the life began at the moment of conception.
They were as complete as they could be.
She still cries for the four lives that could of been, but mostly she cries tears of joy for the life that is.

Preparing for life

  I often find myself these days, wondering how my birth mom did it. How did she raise my sister Amanda while pregnant with Annette and I? I have some insight, which my mom was able to provide me with before she passed away. She would say, "Honey, baby girl, you won't understand until your a mom. You just do what you need to do."  Now that I'm a mom and we are expecting baby number two, I do find myself doing things that I never thought I would be able to do. I find myself being the better person that my mom always saw in me.
  I now know that I am a stronger person than most people think I am. I have the ability to put on a happy face, even when my world around me maybe crashing down. I've got the inner strength from my past that would surprise many people, but my past has made me stronger. I am an emotional woman, and I've been emotional since my daughter, Joan's birth and the rough road of recovery that we (Chris and I) had to go through. A lot of people have heard me say, almost dying gives a person a different look at life. I have a different look on life and what's important because of this.  I find that the stupid trivial stuff, isn't as important as the big stuff. This however, doesn't mean that I don't let sometime the stupid trivial things upset me; because unfortunately when it comes to my nieces and nephews things that affect them and their well being often does upset me. But I remind myself that I'm not the parent and the only thing I can do is raise my children to be better human beings and help them to be prepared for the life that is ahead of them.
   In preparing my children for the life that is ahead of them, I know that it will not be an easy life especially in the world that we have around us and their views on what being a Christian is truly about. I do my best to use the Bible as my guidebook for raising a God-loving child. Notice I say God-loving, because as much as we should fear God, I believe in all my heart that we should teach our children about His' unconditional love for us. How many of us in life can say we have experienced unconditional love from any individual? I'm thinking that not to many of us can actually say that we do or have. I consider myself lucky because my birth mom, believed in the unconditional love for me as her child. I was lucky yet again to find the unconditional love of my husband Chris, who shows me each and every day, some days more than others that he truly does love me and our family unconditionally. Unconditional love is truly amazing, I find myself many times talking now to our unborn child about how precious he/she is and how loved they are. I did this same thing with Joannie, and I believe my children are my greatest treasures.  No amount of money, gold, or jewelry could ever buy the price of my children, I wouldn't give my children to just anyone to care for nor will I leave the responsibility of caring for them should anything happen to Chris or myself to just anyone.
  I feel privileged that God has allowed me to even have my children, God knows my children with him in Heaven how much I would of loved to care for them and raise them. But they weren't meant to be here with me on earth, instead they are with my mom, my husband's mother, and my nanas in Heaven with their Heavenly Father. Until I see, kiss, hold, and love them, I know they are safe and with God.  While this may not have provided me with the peace that I needed when I lost them, it does now provide me with some peace of mind and comfort. This by no means, doesn't mean that I don't miss them and love them any less than I do my children who are here on earth with me. But for now, I am at peace and happy. I am content and blessed beyond all measures to have a wonderful family that is growing and expanding!

Thanksgiving

 In the month of November, I find this is a bittersweet month about 2 years ago this month my mom committed suicide.  I know what people mean when they say be nice to your mother because when she's gone you'll miss her. There isn't a day that I don't miss my mom, now that I'm a mother I miss her being here to share in the joy of her granddaughter's many first. As I think forward to the future, I think upon my past traditions with my mom and dad, and my adopted family. I also find myself missing my adopted grandmother, who I have found memories of hugging and kissing her with her saying, "A bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck. I love you Jennifer."
  My mom loved Thanksgiving, maybe because here birthday was near Thanksgiving maybe not. But the day after Christmas, my mom would decorate the tiny little 2 bedroom town house that I lived in with her and my dad. She'd play Christmas music and spend all day cleaning and decorating for Christmas, and then she'd make Zucchini Bread with me. It was definitely something I looked forward to, just as much as Starbuck's Pumpkin Spice Latte and Carmel Apple Cider. After Black Friday and the weekend, we go in search of Christmas gifts.
  Thanksgiving though was always a time I'd be thankful for my family, no matter how quirky, dysfunctional,
or dare I say STRANGE they were. For you see my family would always be Strange, based on the fact that I come from Strange Stock. For those of you who don't know the hidden joke, my mother's maiden name was Strange. So I have a Strange mother, a Strange Papa (Grandfather), two Strange Nanas (Grandmothers), and two Strange sisters. So you get the picture right? It was just a Strange family to be in with a lot of uniqueness about it. We loved each other, and when my mom was alive I was able to meet my Papa Strange as an adult. He's a quiet and stoic man, with a very gentle loving nature. He's the kind of man, that makes you question what secrets are you hiding Grandpa? What can you tell me about your life? And so on and so forth.
  Papa Strange was very upset when my mom committed suicide, I know this because of my dad and how close my dad and I have become since my mother's suicide. I know as you read this, you may feel sorry for me but don't because I look forward to the day that I will see my mother in Heaven (wherever Heaven is).  You may also notice that I don't refer to my mom as passing away, because I see no reason to sugar coat what my mother did or how she died. My mom committed suicide, and I am survivor of that and many other things. My mom's and my relationship was a little choppy and up and down to say the least. But I know without a doubt I loved my mother and she loved me and that she would of loved the opportunity to meet both of her granddaughters. In the theme of November, I am thankful that she was my mother, and this Sunday I am dedicating my daughter, whom I am so thankful to God for back to Him. My daughter is a gift I  and my husband thought we would never have. We were told there would be no children for us, if she is our only one then she will be our only child but she will always be loved and told about her grandmother and about the importance of being thankful for everything.

The Introduction To Me

  I was born on December 8th, 1980 in the evening. I consider myself lucky, because I was able to find out from my birth mom about some details of my birth. When she was in labor, the doctor was running late headed to the hospital and I was coming fast. By the time the doctor got in the delivery room, he barely had enough time to scrub up and right as he sat down out I came. Five minutes, later my twin sister was born. My joke has always been, that I asked for a BLT and some how it got lost in the Baby Cry language to English that I wound up with a Bratty Little Twin sister. My twin has been both a blessing and a curse at times, she is one of few people who knows how to push my buttons along with when.
  The interesting factoid about my birth is that 12 hours prior, John Lennon was shot and killed. Many people have come into my life and often that's the first thing they notice about my birthday and often comment on it. My mom, Christine Marie Riggs, was truly an amazing woman. I enjoyed and treasured the time I had with her as an adult. She was always a strong woman, and a graceful woman. She had a way of making me feel like the most special person in the whole world. But also when she was having manic episode, she could make you feel like you were a stranger. I often wonder, where she went during these episodes. She wasn't the same mom, who took me in when the adopted parents kicked me out of their San Diego home. Anything could set her off, and sometimes nothing at all. I'm hoping that in writing here, it'll be some what therapeutic for me and maybe in writing this all I will learn something or spark a memory that I've buried somewhere within me.