As I sit here thinking of the ultimate choice that my mom made to give my two sisters and myself life. I also think about the children who weren't given that chance or that choice to live. I think of the many of other women, who ache for a child and can never have a child of their own. In being that I'm in a poetic and thought provoking mood, I am going to pen a poem in my attempt to get the joy along with sorrows of being pregnant and losing a child. While I've never had an abortion, I do know what goes with losing a child. In writing this, I am praying for God's guidance and help.
She Cries
By Jennifer Cormier
She was just 19 years old, a life was beginning to grow inside her.
She was engaged, he wasn't the man God had for her.
She loved him, but he beat her and cheated on her.
Until one night, enough was enough, she ended it with him.
He broke her heart, her body, and the life growing inside her.
She cried for days, months, and years mourning the one life that should of been.
Some years, later she was older and wiser or so she thought.
There was a new man in her life, she told all he was different he loved her.
Soon again, she saw wedding rings and the promises of a new future.
He broke her heart, he was married and had children of his' own.
She soon found, there were two lives this time growing inside her.
The stress of this new man, his wife, and everything was too much for her to bear.
He broke her heart, her mind, and the life growing inside her stopped.
She cried for days, months, and years mourning the three lives that should of been.
In 2008, she married the man who God had planned for her.
He loved her, and she loved him.
They lived in a tiny apartment with two cats.
Soon they found out their was a life growing inside her, they kept it a secret knowing the girl's past loss.
Two days, after the girl's birthday, her heart broke again.
This time it wasn't the man who broke her heart, but the life who was no more.
They asked the doctor "Why?" and underwent test.
She cried for days and months mourning the four lives that should of been.
But God had a miracle in store for them, there was still a life growing inside her.
The life was the smaller of the two lives, the one she was mourning, crying, and yearning for.
The doctor's said, "Your both healthy, strong, and we'll keep a close eye on you two."
They kept a close eye on her and the life growing inside her.
The first time, the man and woman saw their child, they cried tears of joy for the life that was there.
The ultra-sound tech said, "The fetus appears to be healthy with a good strong heart beat."
She corrected the tech, "It's not a fetus, please don't call our baby that. Please call our child a baby."
The man and woman, went to every appointment together and always called their child "Baby"
The life growing inside her, would never be a tissue, a blob, a fetus, or anything else the life could be called.
The life growing inside her was a child, a baby, and a human.
The life was soon grown enough to survive in our world.
The delivery was hard and long, a surgery was needed to save both mom and child.
The man was there in the Operating Room, when the life was born.
The baby was perfect, with almost perfect Apgar scores, with her twelve toes that the doctor forgot to count.
She cried this time, for joy of the life that was, is, and would be.
Their baby was born, a family was born, the life began at the moment of conception.
They were as complete as they could be.
She still cries for the four lives that could of been, but mostly she cries tears of joy for the life that is.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Preparing for life
I often find myself these days, wondering how my birth mom did it. How did she raise my sister Amanda while pregnant with Annette and I? I have some insight, which my mom was able to provide me with before she passed away. She would say, "Honey, baby girl, you won't understand until your a mom. You just do what you need to do." Now that I'm a mom and we are expecting baby number two, I do find myself doing things that I never thought I would be able to do. I find myself being the better person that my mom always saw in me.
I now know that I am a stronger person than most people think I am. I have the ability to put on a happy face, even when my world around me maybe crashing down. I've got the inner strength from my past that would surprise many people, but my past has made me stronger. I am an emotional woman, and I've been emotional since my daughter, Joan's birth and the rough road of recovery that we (Chris and I) had to go through. A lot of people have heard me say, almost dying gives a person a different look at life. I have a different look on life and what's important because of this. I find that the stupid trivial stuff, isn't as important as the big stuff. This however, doesn't mean that I don't let sometime the stupid trivial things upset me; because unfortunately when it comes to my nieces and nephews things that affect them and their well being often does upset me. But I remind myself that I'm not the parent and the only thing I can do is raise my children to be better human beings and help them to be prepared for the life that is ahead of them.
In preparing my children for the life that is ahead of them, I know that it will not be an easy life especially in the world that we have around us and their views on what being a Christian is truly about. I do my best to use the Bible as my guidebook for raising a God-loving child. Notice I say God-loving, because as much as we should fear God, I believe in all my heart that we should teach our children about His' unconditional love for us. How many of us in life can say we have experienced unconditional love from any individual? I'm thinking that not to many of us can actually say that we do or have. I consider myself lucky because my birth mom, believed in the unconditional love for me as her child. I was lucky yet again to find the unconditional love of my husband Chris, who shows me each and every day, some days more than others that he truly does love me and our family unconditionally. Unconditional love is truly amazing, I find myself many times talking now to our unborn child about how precious he/she is and how loved they are. I did this same thing with Joannie, and I believe my children are my greatest treasures. No amount of money, gold, or jewelry could ever buy the price of my children, I wouldn't give my children to just anyone to care for nor will I leave the responsibility of caring for them should anything happen to Chris or myself to just anyone.
I feel privileged that God has allowed me to even have my children, God knows my children with him in Heaven how much I would of loved to care for them and raise them. But they weren't meant to be here with me on earth, instead they are with my mom, my husband's mother, and my nanas in Heaven with their Heavenly Father. Until I see, kiss, hold, and love them, I know they are safe and with God. While this may not have provided me with the peace that I needed when I lost them, it does now provide me with some peace of mind and comfort. This by no means, doesn't mean that I don't miss them and love them any less than I do my children who are here on earth with me. But for now, I am at peace and happy. I am content and blessed beyond all measures to have a wonderful family that is growing and expanding!
I now know that I am a stronger person than most people think I am. I have the ability to put on a happy face, even when my world around me maybe crashing down. I've got the inner strength from my past that would surprise many people, but my past has made me stronger. I am an emotional woman, and I've been emotional since my daughter, Joan's birth and the rough road of recovery that we (Chris and I) had to go through. A lot of people have heard me say, almost dying gives a person a different look at life. I have a different look on life and what's important because of this. I find that the stupid trivial stuff, isn't as important as the big stuff. This however, doesn't mean that I don't let sometime the stupid trivial things upset me; because unfortunately when it comes to my nieces and nephews things that affect them and their well being often does upset me. But I remind myself that I'm not the parent and the only thing I can do is raise my children to be better human beings and help them to be prepared for the life that is ahead of them.
In preparing my children for the life that is ahead of them, I know that it will not be an easy life especially in the world that we have around us and their views on what being a Christian is truly about. I do my best to use the Bible as my guidebook for raising a God-loving child. Notice I say God-loving, because as much as we should fear God, I believe in all my heart that we should teach our children about His' unconditional love for us. How many of us in life can say we have experienced unconditional love from any individual? I'm thinking that not to many of us can actually say that we do or have. I consider myself lucky because my birth mom, believed in the unconditional love for me as her child. I was lucky yet again to find the unconditional love of my husband Chris, who shows me each and every day, some days more than others that he truly does love me and our family unconditionally. Unconditional love is truly amazing, I find myself many times talking now to our unborn child about how precious he/she is and how loved they are. I did this same thing with Joannie, and I believe my children are my greatest treasures. No amount of money, gold, or jewelry could ever buy the price of my children, I wouldn't give my children to just anyone to care for nor will I leave the responsibility of caring for them should anything happen to Chris or myself to just anyone.
I feel privileged that God has allowed me to even have my children, God knows my children with him in Heaven how much I would of loved to care for them and raise them. But they weren't meant to be here with me on earth, instead they are with my mom, my husband's mother, and my nanas in Heaven with their Heavenly Father. Until I see, kiss, hold, and love them, I know they are safe and with God. While this may not have provided me with the peace that I needed when I lost them, it does now provide me with some peace of mind and comfort. This by no means, doesn't mean that I don't miss them and love them any less than I do my children who are here on earth with me. But for now, I am at peace and happy. I am content and blessed beyond all measures to have a wonderful family that is growing and expanding!
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